Openness To Healing Relationships

9:53 AM in advice, back, boyfriend, break, dumped, Get Ex, healing, me, moving, my, myself, on, openness, picking, relationships, to, up

So many times people will find themselves in a relationship that used to be good, loving, and strong.  But somehow, somewhere, things changed.  Now they want to get that loving relationship back.  The first thing is making sure there is an openness to healing relationships. 

Most relationships that have broken down have done so over a period of time and usually because of hurts, many of which have been small.  These hurts have accumulated over a period of time, though, and now theyve taken on a life of their own. Over time we tend to shut ourselves off from our partner because we dont want to be hurt anymore.  Once that happens you will need to make sure you can open up again and attempt to heal the relationship.   Before you decide that you are going to fix your broken relationship you have to make sure that you are willing to open yourself up to the possibility of more hurt.

And, its not just about you either.  Is your partner willing to open up and work on the relationship?  Many times one partner is more interested in salvaging the relationship than another.  If thats the case and your partner has made it clear, either by what theyve said or their overall attitude, that they have no interest in working very hard to save the relationship, you might as well call it quits. You cant do it all yourself and you cant force your partner to try.

If, on the other hand, you both agree that you will try to work on the relationship the first thing youll both need to do is look at yourselves.  You need to look at yourself and your partner needs to look at themselves. You are trying to honestly figure out what part youve played in the breakdown of the relationship and whether or not you will be committed to making the changes necessary to fix it.  Again, both of you have to admit their part in the break down of the relationship as well as be willing to try to change their behavior.
After all that the next thing you will both need to do is talk to each other.  This doesnt mean yelling, intimidating, or getting mad.  It means and open, adult discussion about how you are feeling.  You each have to be able to honestly speak your mind and explain what you think has happened, how you think it can be fixed, what you are willing to do to help fix it, and how you are feeling overall.

This step is vitally important and potentially very dangerous.  This is the part where someone could get hurt feelings and that could lead to a big blowout.  In order for this to work, its crucial that you both give the other person time to talk, and not get mad or defensive about what they have to say.

If you are sure you and your partner really have an openness to healing relationships, and youre wiling to work on the steps Ive listed here than the two of you will have a real shot at getting back to a place in your relationship where you can be happy to be together, and happy to be back to normal.

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Moving On Break Up Advice

3:44 PM in a, advice, break, distance, distressing, Get Ex, getting, long, love, moving, on, relationship, situation, through, up

Keeley knew it was time to be moving on.  Break up with her boyfriend Joe had just happened.  She knew there was no chance of getting back together, so she had to get on with her life.

First, Keeley tried talking to her friends about the break up.  At first, they were sympathetic.  But soon, they became bored with the topic and wanted to talk about their own issues.  Keeley became frustrated at their lack of support.

Her mom, on the other hand, couldn’t talk about anything but Joe.  She thought Keeley was insane to let him get away.  It sometimes seemed like her mom had been more in love with Joe than Keeley ever was.

After a few weeks, Keeley decided to go to a therapist for five sessions.  Over the course of a few weeks, she began to identify the problems which had led to the break up and plan out a strategy for moving on.
The first thing she did was to for the moving on break up was to get rid of all of Joe’s things.  Some, like the leather jacket he loved, she gave back.  Other things like his toothbrush she just threw away.  And, he had given her some nice jewelry, but she decided to box these up and store them until she became less emotional about Joe.

Next, she started doing things that she didn’t feel comfortable doing when Joe was around.  For instance, Joe would never go to the ballet with her.  Keeley had trained as a classical dancer and she appreciated Swan Lake and Giselle.  When a performance came to town, she got a couple of girlfriends together and they went.  This is not something she would have done if she had been together with Joe.

She also decided to join an adult dance class.  Partially, it got her out of the house two nights a week.  It also got her back into shape.  But, she was able to meet new people as well.  She liked the comraderie of the class.
She also explored new passions.  She never knew much about fine wines.  Joe had preferred beer and she had usually just ordered the house white.  But when she heard a local winery was offering a wine tasting class, she decided to join.

Over the course of five weeks, she developed a palate.  She began to appreciate the difference between a young wine and an old wine. 

And, she met Rodney.  Rodney was a good looking lawyer who was interested in good wine and fine food.  He was also interested in Keeley.

Part of how Keeley knew that she was getting over the pain of losing Joe was that she was interested in Rodney.

Keeley doesn’t know whether the relationship with Rodney is going to be long term or a short term rebound fling.  But she does know that she doesn’t miss Joe when Rodney is around.  And that’s moving on break up advice!

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Only Human Getting Back With Your Ex

10:40 AM in advice, back, break, ex, Get Ex, getting, human, leave, men, moving, on, only, their, up, who, with, wives, your

Getting back with your ex is an incredibly difficult thing to do because there been feelings hurt and hearts broken. What can make it worse is there are also probably very unrealistic expectations of what you want from each other. The thing to realize is that you are both human and fully capable of making mistakes. Not only that but it should be understood that both of you are going to make mistakes. The reason that you are broken up or divorced is that there were mistakes made on both of your parts. As much as you would like to believe it, neither one of you are perfect and are, actually, quite far from it. Getting back with your ex means realizing this.

While to get your ex back or trying to do that it is going to be very obvious and easy to point out the mistakes that the other made. What is going to be harder is to point out the mistakes that you made. You have to look closely and see what it was that you did that either helped make the split possible but helped make the situation and relationship as bad as it got. You have to own up to your part in the ending of the relationship.

You have to own your own mistakes. You can’t hide them. You can’t cover them up. You can’t make excuses for them. You can’t sugar coat them. You can’t pretend they aren’t there. You can’t do any of that and have the reconciliation effort succeed. Pointing fingers is what caused the split to happen in the first place. Pointing fingers is not going to help getting back with your ex. You are only human. That point may seem obvious but in the attitude we take sometimes we may not show we feel that way.

In getting back with your ex, you have to realize also that your ex boyfriend or ex boyfriend or ex husband or ex wife you no longer want to be your ex. You have to understand that if you want them to be with you for the long term or for life you have to realize how special they are to you. They can’t realize that if they can’t feel that you think that. They have to know that you want to be with them. If you treat them like trash for the mistakes they made and hold it over their head they aren’t going to feel very special. The mistakes they made may have been bad but you need to let them know that you want to be with them anyway. They have to see from you that they are special enough to look past their faults.

Isn’t that what you want? To know that even with all your faults that they love you still? What greater way is there than to show that to the person you want to be with? There is no other thing that is going to help them feel truly special. It doesn’t excuse mistakes but it says that what you have together is bigger and better than what it was that tore you apart. To get your ex back means realizing each other’s humanity and loving each other anyway.

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