How to deal with your boyfriends ex girlfriend

9:36 AM in an, boyfriends, completely, contact, deal, ex, get, Get Ex, girlfriend, how, over, to, with, your

There’s nothing quite like the first bloom of love. Even the simple act of him buying you a diet coke and a box of Milk Duds at the cinema makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs: ”SET THE DATE! SET THE DATE!”.

You meet his friends, spend weekends doing romantic things like have picnics in the park and may even be so infatuated that you do something as horrifying as massage each other’s hands on the subway while gazing into each other’s eyes. Basically, you make everyone around you feel slightly nauseated, much like the feeling they get after eating some bad shellfish down at the local taco shack.

You’re shameless in your public displays of affection. He’s the one, right? There isn’t much that can rain on your parade as much as an ex-girlfriend that’s still in his life. But what if she’s a very good friend and always seems to be around? There are ways to cope that don’t involve voodoo dolls, intermediate-level internet stalking and generally behaving like a loose screw.

How you feel about his close relationship with his ex-girlfriend depends on many factors. You may be fine with it if you also still hang out with your ex-boyfriend and call him “homeslice” while high-fiving him over jello shots down at the pub. If you have a lot of close male friends, you also might be perfectly fine with him still being close with his ex. Things get more complicated if you’re a girl’s girl - you only have close female friends and your own ex-boyfriends are relegated to the same compartment of your life reserved for bad perms and the time you were thrown out of the karaoke bar for disorderly behaviour. Dark memories indeed.

It’s not that  all of your relationships ended badly or you have any ill-will towards your exes - you just believe that old boyfriends should stay in the past. Nothing wrong with being friendly but in all senses of the word - they are not a part of your life. In the classic 1980s romantic comedy, When Harry Met Sally,  Billy Crystal asks - can men and women really be just friends?  Particularly if they used to date? Despite your own views about this, it’s important to keep your cool if you find yourself in the awkward situation of having to socialize with your new boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.

Do not freak out

It may sound obvious when I say this but it’s very easy to fly off the handle when he first brings her up or brings up the idea of you two meeting each other. No matter what, try and keep your cool and act like a mature adult about it. One meeting won’t kill you and you never know, she might be nice! It certainly doesn’t mean you have to be friends with her. Just do whatever you can to be yourself and not over the top. Don’t act super fake, just be normal. You don’t have to be cool with it but if she is a genuinely nice person who is a part of your boyfriend’s life, you might have to just accept this or move on. If she’s not a nice person, that’s an entirely different story.

Even if the meeting doesn’t go well, keep your cool!

What if you met her and she was openly rude to you? Try not to get angry. This might actually be a good thing. If the whole situation made you uncomfortable in the first place, this might be a good way for your boyfriend to see that there is something wrong here. It’s impossible to generalize but if his ex is rude to you then something is obviously amiss. If there was nothing between them, she should be able to at least be civil to you. If she’s a good friend to your ex, she would make the effort to be friendly right? In the face of the cold shoulder she gives to you, just continue to act normal and do not stoop to the same level. Be polite, smile and go on your merry way. At the end of the day, it’s not your problem if she has any kind of issue with you.. And your boyfriend should question why she can’t bring herself to be civil to you.

Do not internet stalk her

Honestly, the less you know about her the better. It’s not necessary to cyber-stalk, nor is it healthy. Resist the urge to dig around on Facebook or pump any mutual friends for information. Why do you want to know? It really doesn’t make a difference to your situation - if your boyfriend wanted to be with her then he would. You have to trust that he doesn’t and take his word for it sometimes.

The more you know about her, the more of a problem you will have. The more distance you have the easier it will be to see her as a casual acquaintance, someone you might see occasionally but who has zero hold over your current relationship. If you can’t seem to peel your paws off of Facebook stalking then deactivate your account. It’s only a huge problem if you make it into one. Make your feelings about the situation known to your boyfriend and work through it. It’s between you and him and has nothing to do with her.

Be clear about what you’re comfortable with

Dating advice and self-help books seem to be obsessed with telling women to “play it cool”, act non-chalant and be the “cool” girlfriend who doesn’t mind if her boyfriend regularly sleeps over at his ex-girlfriend’s house. This is awful advice and only tries to force women to act like a doormat just to keep a man.

 If your boyfriend is doing things that make you uncomfortable, be vocal about it. Even if to him it’s completely innocent, it doesn’t mean you have to be ok with him going to Mexico with her and their mutual friends. It’s not just about trust, it’s about respect. You don’t have to flip out but just talk about it in a mature way. If you’re not okay with him sleeping over at her house whenever it’s “too late to go home”, make this known immediately. If it makes you uncomfortable that he talks to her about your relationship, don’t be afraid to make this clear. He’s not the right guy for you if doesn’t respect your wishes or finds them unreasonable. Only you know what you’re comfortable with - if you don’t stick to your guns you’ll end up very unhappy in the long run.

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How to handle your boyfriends ex girlfriend

4:41 PM in boyfriends, ex, Get Ex, girlfriend, handle, hate, how, hurt, my, to, your

Even if your boyfriend is completely over his ex-girlfriend (and we hope he is if he is with you) sometimes it’s tough for us to avoid comparing or even asking questions about HER, and if she is still in the picture ie., they are still friends, then getting over that relationship is even tougher. And like it or not even if you haven’t had to deal with an ex-girlfriend in one of your relationships sooner or later you will have to and we are here to help you through it! 

If you need to ask questions about his ex for some reason then keep them specific and brief. Remember the reason for the question and if it doesn’t serve a real purpose to know then don’t ask.

Avoid comparing yourself to her, even if your competitive nature drives you to it. Remind yourself that he is with you and not with her and that is what really matters.

If you are feeling a little insecure about his ex then don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your boyfriend. Let him know that you are feeling a little insecure and allow him to reassure you that you are the one he loves and not her. Sometimes a little reassurance can go a long way.

Don’t obsess over her or their relationship. That can be crazy-making for you and will come out in some way shape or form in your relationship. If you are intensely jealous and freaking out over her with your boyfriend that will definitely be a turn-off.

Don’t try to figure out “why” you might feel jealous or curious about her. It’s perfectly normal to have questions about your boyfriend’s ex and many of those random thoughts include questions like “Was he in love with her? What did she look like? Did he love her more than me? Was she prettier than me? Why did they break up?” and so on. The less you know the more curious you may be but that doesn’t mean you need to go on a quest to find out more information about her or her relationship with your man. Don’t beat yourself up for having the thoughts you have, they are just harmless thoughts that are perfectly normal. Allow yourself to have them but then let them pass without trying to figure out the answers. This may seem tough at first but eventually you will stop thinking about her as you continue having a great relationship.

Please share any stories you have about dealing with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend!

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How to initiate contact with ex girlfriend

7:42 PM in boyfriends, contact, ex, Get Ex, girlfriend, handle, his, how, initiate, to, with, your

Need strategies for how to contact your ex-girlfriend?

You might want to know how to initiate contact, how to get things started, and how to progress things along.  Here’s some straight up advice on how to contact your ex-girlfriend.

Here is a 3-step plan to contact your ex-girlfriend – with everything you need to know.

So I want to give you three principles that hopefully will make a big difference in your being successful at contacting your ex-girlfriend.

These three things are going to give you the greatest result and the greatest benefit. To contact your ex-girlfriend is to plays your cards right – it’s a very sensitive period in time. Everything you do needs to be exactly right. The idea to contact your ex-girlfriend is a little like walking through a mine-field.

The first tip is to put no pressure on her when you’re having a conversation.  Don’t jump bombard her with trying to restart the relationship.  You’ll sound needy and whiny.

You want to be as chilled out as possible. You want to be like an ice cube at the North Pole,  You cannot sound needy or whiny, because she will instantly lose attraction to you.

 

You want to give the feeling that your call or email is just being friendly, that you have no ulterior motive in contacting her.

The second tip to contact your ex-girlfriend is to catch her and meet face to face.

There’s only so much you can do by email or through cards or by phone.

Meeting face to face allows you to figure out whether or not there is chemistry between the two of you.  You can’t really tell that over the phone.  You’ve got to be face to face and see if she’s really digging you again.

And the third principle to contact ex-girlfriend is to really think about whether you want to do it or not.

Seriously, if it was a messy relationship, if she was a toxic person and if she really knew how to pressure her partner, but wasn’t the best person for you, then don’t catch up with her.  There’s people out there who are very attracted to you, who you really want to have sex with but who are really bad for us, It’s not good to put ourselves in situations where we are tempted with these sort of people.

So really think about whether she’s the sort of person you want to get back in your life. If you want to contact your ex-girlfriend, it’s worth thinking about whether it’s a good idea or not.

Make sure you’re thinking with the head that’s above your shoulders, make sure you’re being real, realistic and intelligent, because the last thing you want to do is go backwards in your own journey. If you are going to contact your ex-girlfriend then make sure that it’s going to be a real positive for you and your life.

Now that you’ve thought about how to contact your ex-girlfriend, check out more FREE content to avoid making the same mistakes twice. Rewind your relationship and make it awesome again. My FREE video presentation will show you exactly how to have incredible relationships for the rest of your life.

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How to insult ex girlfriend

7:08 AM in a, boyfriends, crazy, ex, Get Ex, girlfriend, handle, how, insult, to, your

So your relationship is over and all those feelings of aggression, anger, disgust and mental anguish have come to a head. If you don’t lash-out in a verbal assault of profanities and low-blows you’re just going to explode. You want to—need to—get a few last jabs in at the ex before the door hits her in the ass. It’s okay to vent. Just remember, once you say it, you can’t take it back. If you dare to use any of the top 5 insults on your ex, you need to be sure of two things first; that you’ll never, ever want her back, and that you can outrun her!

Attack her sexual performance – Even if you had mind-blowing sex throughout the entire duration of your relationship, a good way to offend your partner is to tell her that it sucked. Two things women hate are being found out when faking orgasms, and worse, being told that they don’t perform well in the bedroom. Kill two birds with one stone and say, “You weren’t the only one who was faking it!” Follow that statement with, “I’ve had more passionate sex with a blow-up doll!” First store a vivid mental image of her naked in your brain. You won’t be seeing that again in person … ever.

Refer to other women – Women are naturally jealous creatures. Especially when it comes to other women. You can make her blood boil and send her packing for good by using this fact to your advantage. In the most subtle sense, asking for her best friend’s number as she’s leaving you will make her think twice about coming back. Drive this theory home by telling her that you’ve always imagined that she was her best friend while you had sex with her. You’ll never see her again after a doozy like that. But as a bonus, you might see her friend!

All in the family – It’s not nice and very disrespectful to criticize one’s family, but when you’re sure your relationship is over, doing so will definitely offend and infuriate the ex. There’s a few ways to go about this. If she has a rough relationship with her mother or sister, a simple, “You’re just like your mother,” or “…just like your sister” should do. If her mom is clearly unattractive — or even if she’s not — try, “Thank God we’re through. You’re starting to age just like your mother.” If she comes from an attractive family, “I should have dated your sister” or “I wanted to hook-up with your mom. But since she’s not available, I settled for you” will kill her.

The “C” word - You know which word we’re talking about. Starts with “C” ends with “T” and rhymes with hunt, punt and stunt. The word you’ve always been taught never to use under any circumstances, especially when speaking to a woman. The most disrespectful term in the dictionary. (Yes, the dictionary.) If you really need to stoop as low as this insult, you need to be 110 percent, absolutely certain that your relationship is over. Because if it’s not, it will be after you drop the C-bomb.

Tell her she’s fat – Believe it or not, of all the vile things we’ve mentioned, this will piss her off the most. Just give her the once over and calmly state, “Damn girl, you weren’t this bitchy before you got fat.” Another zinger is, “By the way, those jeans did make you look fat! And so did that dress, those shorts and don’t get me started on the bikini!” And for the grand finale, “Ah well, in losing you, I’m also losing several pounds of ugly fat.” Ouch! Now quickly duck or slam the door!

There you have it guys. If you’re trying to break it off for good, believe us, any of these 5 insults are a dealbreaker! Use them with extreme caution because once you do, you can be sure that your relationship is over, done, kaput! Enjoy your new found bachelorhood!

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How to evict ex girlfriend

11:51 PM in boyfriends, deal, evict, ex, Get Ex, girlfriend, how, to, with, your

Q: I unwisely moved in with my now ex-boyfriend. I am not on the lease, although I have been contributing to rent and bills. The relationship has soured and now he has told me that he wants me out in three days. Can he do this? Do I have any legal recourse? –Miko W.

A: There’s a practical answer to your question, and a legal one. Both are rather unsatisfactory, unfortunately. Let’s look at the law first.

Technically speaking, you are either a co-tenant with your ex, or a subtenant of your ex. You may be a co-tenant if the landlord knew and accepted your living there, regardless of the fact that you have not been formally added to the lease (that is, in spite of your not having signed the lease).

That you did not directly pay rent to the landlord may not matter at all; it’s your "open and accepted" presence on the property as a resident that may give you co-tenant status.

If you’re legally a co-tenant, your ex cannot terminate your tenancy or take legal steps to remove you if you refuse to go. Only landlords can take these steps. Miserable co-tenants can continue to cohabitate indefinitely, each refusing to leave. It’s not a pretty picture.

On the other hand, you may be a subtenant, someone who rents from the tenant (your ex). If this is the case, your ex does indeed have the legal ability to terminate and evict, if you refuse to go.

You’d need to understand how your state defines co-tenants and subtenants to know where you fall. That would probably involve a trip to a lawyer … the last thing you need. Then again, if your ex really thinks that he can enforce a demand that you leave by evicting you, he too will have to get involved with the law (file an eviction lawsuit). 

Whether you’re a co-tenant or a subtenant, if he tries to oust you by indirect means (like locking you out or throwing your things out on the street), he faces big liability for a "self-help eviction," a costly mistake in practically every state.

Your options are really more in the practical realm of things. If you need time to move, consider yourself either a co-tenant or a subtenant, and explain to your ex that, in any case, he cannot get rid of you short of an eviction lawsuit.

And presumably he’s not eager to be hit with a lawsuit. Assure him that demanding that you leave in three days is not reasonable, but that you’ll move at the earliest opportunity.

Q: We have a "no pets" policy at our property, and many of our residents have let us know that they value this policy and chose to live here, in part, because of it. A new resident has asked to add a roommate, whom we approved; then we learned that the new tenant has a companion animal that she says she may keep because she’s disabled.

We’re assuming that she’s legit and that the dog is necessary, but we’re concerned about our other tenants. Now that there’s a dog on the property, will they have grounds to break their leases and move? –Jon C.

A: If your new resident is a person with a disability — someone who has, has a history of, or is regarded as having a physical or mental disability that substantially limits one or more major life activities — you must follow the federal Fair Housing Amendments Act. 

That means, among many other things, changing your rental policies if doing so is necessary to allow that person to live safely and comfortably on your property. A no-pets rule must bend to the request of a person with a disability if that person needs a service or companion animal.

The need for such an animal may be established by a letter from an attending professional, such as a doctor, or from other credible professional sources.

But although you, as the property owner, are subject to the fair housing rules, your other tenants generally are not. In this case, your tenants have a legal right to expect that you’ll maintain a pet-free property — that promise is in the lease, and you know that it played a substantial part in the tenants’ decision to rent from you.

That you are legally required to modify that policy when faced with a legitimate request by a person with a disability does not mean that your other residents must adjust their right, which you gave them in the lease, to live in a pet-free building. 

In other words, you’re not following through with an important rental promise, and that you are legally required to deviate from it will not stop your other renters from the legal remedies they may have — which includes moving out.

But before you begin anticipating large-scale move-outs, consider a reality check. You’re not exactly hosting a pack of wild dogs; in fact, a companion animal that is properly trained will probably be well-behaved. You are on solid ground to insist that your new tenant clean up after the dog, give it regular and appropriate exercise, always keep the dog on a leash, and so on. 

If reasonable rules like this are broken — and certainly if the dog poses a threat to others or substantially disrupts the peace and quiet of your property by nonstop barking — you’d be within your rights to question your obligation to allow the animal to be on the property. 

Although the Fair Housing Amendments Act gives persons with a disability broad rights to keep service or companion animals, these rights are not absolute. Depending on the circumstances, they may have to bend to your legitimate concern that an animal not severely disrupt the ability of others to live in peace, let alone place other tenants at risk.

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How to evict my ex girlfriend

5:16 PM in boyfriends, deal, diss, evict, ex, Get Ex, girlfriend, how, my, to, with, your

I have heard it many times from a caller who rented a nice apartment and then thought he found a really nice girl. They date and soon he invites her to live in his place, or maybe she just does not leave one day when he goes to work and in fact moves her child in with her into your living room.

If the girl (or boyfriend) has been in your apartment more than 30 days the police WILL NOT help you. You must find relief in Housing Court. In fact, you can get in trouble by locking someone out who can establish they have lived in your apartment for 30 days.

While personally I do not feel this is a fair law, it is on the books and the police know it. There is however PLENTY we can do to get the person out within the law.

In this case, my secretary called the client in to our office to sign a Ten Day Notice to Quit (Licensee). The Notice was then served on the “ex “ in the manner provided and mandated by law. This notice is a prerequisite to being able to file a case in Housing Court of the City of New York.


You should, if it happens to you, not hesitate to call me or any other attorney who can prepare that Notice, have it properly served and represent you in the Holdover case.

I told the caller to look on the bright side, as if he had married the person he could not use Housing Court and would be stuck with a VERY EXPENSIVE divorce battle. Housing Court is much less expensive than a battle in the Supreme Court.

The client was fortunate in that it was he who was on the lease and not the ex girlfriend and equally fortunate in that he had never asked for money for rent and that the ex girlfriend had never paid any rent either. Since there was no relationship of Landlord and Tenant the case went as expected with the client obtaining a Final Judgment of Possession. A Warrant issued to the City Marshal and the ex girlfriend was required to move out.

Be aware that the Housing Court Judges have been known to give generous time for even a freeloader or squatter to move without great regard to the hardship of the tenant of record or the owner of the premises.
One lesson to take to heart is that if you think there will be a problem, consult with an attorney as soon as possible.

We don’t charge for consultations so you have nothing to lose by emailing or calling our office.

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