The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014

5:13 AM in 10, 2013, 2014, 50, album, albums, artworks, beatles, coolest, cover, did, ever, expansion, Get Ex, of, pack, the, things, top, worst

(according to me)

10. Diplo - Random White Dude Be Everywhere

Even if this album’s title is humorously interesting, and even if this release is essentially a compilation of really satisfying tracks, and even if this artwork is pretty funny when you think about it ... the dude used a screenshot of his Twitter profile as his record cover. That’s pretty dumb, c’mon. What’s more, he edited his account details to read over 7 billion followers, which is everyone in the world, and that’s impossible. Not only because a large percentage of the population doesnt have access to the internet, but because I personally will NEVER follow you, Diplo. You hear me? I WILL NEVER FOLLOW YOU.

09. Prince - Art Official Age

Ah, wait I get it! It’s like, Prince’s third eye, right? In order to indicate he has some kind of a spiritual insight on his forehead, correct? But then if this man has indeed recently developed a mystical perception of sorts, then why was this album’s reception so lacklustre and average? Is he perhaps slipping in his old age? Why would he choose an artist as amateur as Maya Washington to take on such a high prolific a job? Was sex involved? Ugh, whatever, he’s Prince, he can do what he wants.

08. Motorpsycho - Behind the Sun

Norways Kim Hiorthøy has made a lot of artwork in his time, many for this very psychedelic rock band, as well as some for a couple of other respectable rock bands too, maintaining a generally decent standard throughout (see both of Fire! Orchestra’s releases for excellent examples of what this guy can do). Kim also paints, makes films, takes photos, writes, and composes his own electronic music, proving the boy has talent beyond most of us pathetic humans with 9-5 desk jobs (not bitter). So what exactly happened this round? Well, I have a theory, which goes like this: he made it using a free iPhone app whilst smoking weed.

07. Bohren & der Club of Gore - Piano Nights

I have no idea who created this "artwork" or even who that dude on the cover is, but it freaks me out, man. If it came with the newspaper headline of “here is Bohren, notorious child molester and serial killer, enjoying his second favourite hobby, playing the piano”, I would be like "oh, that makes sense" and Id turn the page. What’s worse is that the image represents the music flawlessly: a dark jazz album which is as horroresque as it is sad, trying to be sexual but only managing to be creepy in that dull, achingly slow, uneventful kind of way. Except to say, that its a really good record at the end of the night.

06. Suzanne Vega - Tales From the Realm of the Queen of Pentacles

Jeri Heiden (part of the Smog Design team) is the artist who we must point fingers and laugh at right now, hahaha, do it! But then, look at her credentials: promo artwork for Madonna, P!nk, Beck, Garbage, Selena Gomez, Cher, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Jarvis Cocker, and Regina Spektor, to name seriously very few. I thought long and hard as to why such a prestigious expert would risk her reputation with the photoshop nightmare you see above, and I concluded that it must be because someone told her the album’s title before the task, and she immediately gave up. Hey, at least they are both as pretentious as each other, puke.

05. Joey Essex - Essex Anthems

I don’t even know how to descibe my issues when it comes to pretty much everything about this album. First of all, it is a three CD compilation, curated by Joey Essex, who rose to fame from the tacky reality-ish TV soap The Only Way Is Essex (imagine: Jersey Shore, in Britain). Ok, so thats hard enough to swallow but maybe I could stomach it, if it werent for the fact that this douche got a record deal with Warner just to release it, which is why my keyboard is currently covered in vomit as I type with my fingers knuckle deep in my own sick. Granted, he doesn’t sing on the thing (which is a big plus), but even when considering that point or ignoring how predictable the chosen club bangerz were, this cover is inexcusable. Said to be “signifying quality and prestige” all I hear is “chavvy chav chav” and I don’t need to watch the show (I haven’t) to want to punch Joey in the face.

04. How to Dress Well - "What Is This Heart?"

So I guess there is some merit to this artwork, as the designated Oval-X art duo went above and beyond the call of duty when they put together this package, especially the way it comes apart in a holographic manner, a feat I encourage you to drool over by clicking here. They continued to explain that they wanted to achieve what Phil Collins did with Face Value, an image which looks “directly into your soul”, despite the fact that How To Dress Well’s Tom Krell isn’t looking into the camera whatsoever. But regardless of clever historical inspiration and fancy 3D effects, nothing can save this artwork from appearing as though the singer is taking a shit, and having a difficult time with the process too.

03. Kasabian - 48:13

The music is good, the band are assholes, the title is stupid, and the artwork is even worse—so take this all as a warning, kids: here is what drugs will do to you. Kasabian themselves revealed to Graham Norton that they “weren’t trying to clever” (success!) and that they “came up with the title before we finished the record” which meant they had to spend many months editing songs just to ensure they hit that perfect time—self admittedly “the most ridiculous idea ever”. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without the song times (but not the song names) leading down into this magical number, slapped upon one painful pink background because “pink is the ultimate way of saying I dont care what you think—theres a very punk element to it.” Well, at least that’s true.

02. Leonard Cohen - Popular Problems

Long time collaborator Michael Petit designed this cover for yet another one of old man Cohen’s latter day gems, and in the artist’s defence, his general standard of past work has been fairly digestible. But this one is ... an MSPaint job, I think? I’m not even sure what that shit is supposed to be at the bottom left, an inkblot test? Hmmm, maybe. I kinda see a saxophone player? Or perhaps a tortoise creature clinging onto the chest of a man with a tiny head, and they are eating each other’s faces? I don’t know, is this a popular problem?

01. The Shrine - Bless Off

Is this hard rock band so unknown because they are proudly underground? Or because they are shit? Either way, their popularity status renders any details difficult to come by, except to say that this ... thing ... was created by their friend Kris Kirk, who apparently told the band “you know what The Shrine needs? A wolf screaming on acid!” They agreed, and here we are, one of the worst artworks (and albums) I’ve come across in a long while. But maybe you like it, and if so, you should buy these socks. Rock n Roll!


Other Terribles
Imelda May - Tribal
The Gaslight Anthem - Get Hurt
King Buzzo - This Machine Kills Artists
The Black Keys - Turn Blue
Manchester Orchestra - Cope
I Am The Avalanche - Wolverines
Howler - World of Joy
East India Youth - Total Strife Forever


The 10 Best Album Cover Artworks of 2014
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10 Songs Ive Cried To

12:00 AM in 10, best, cried, Get Ex, ive, kubrick, raining, songs, stanley, teeth, to, worst

When I briefly pause and contemplate what I’m trying to achieve here, I realise all of this is pretty stupid. I am yet to feel pride for any of my articles which focus specifically on songs (2014’s The 20 Greatest Songs Of All Time was not even my opinion, and 2015’s The 100 Best Songs Of The Decade So Far was understandably laughed at by most people), and similarly, I am yet to like any of those autobiographical music pieces either (remember 2013’s 25 Albums That Changed My Life? No, me neither). But here I find myself writing not only a combination of those two regrettable themes, but doing so whilst exposing the weaker side of my human by admitting I have indeed cried before. Which, according to Robert Smith, boys don’t do.

Well, here’s the thing: I wrote this blog because I don’t have much time this month, and it’s a very easy filler piece, one which I can quickly shove out with minimal effort and then relax afterwards, so whatever, Becki. Also, Robert Smith has definitely cried before, I think thats what he was actually saying, and you just know the dude couldn’t take a punch to the face. Anyway, if nothing else, this article shows I have a heart and you should love and care for me.

1. Eric Clapton - Tears In Heaven

Its poetic how the first song I recall reducing me to tears, was in fact focused upon the very act of crying itself. My exact age is long forgotten, but I was definitely a mini-kiddie, sitting in my lounge, probably smiling along to this great little guitar piece, because I smiled a lot when I was a child. That’s when my father sadistically informed me that this emotionally driven single told the painful tale of loss and suffering, as Eric was mourning his four-year-old son who had fallen to his death from a 53rd story window. Well, naturally my delicate undeveloped heart couldn’t quite comprehend a father and son being forced apart in such a tragic manner, and I burst into a puddle of my own grievance for this poor man, while my own father just laughed at me. In fact, my dad still finds the story hilarious, and continues to tell this very narrative at every family gathering he can.

2. Placebo - My Sweet Prince

Fast forward many many years later when I was already a corrupt teenager, and naturally I knew my masculinity card removed all rights to weep at anything—let alone something as trivial as music. So I built a nice little wire fence around my feelings and swallowed any pathetic melancholy down into the depths of my stomach until they boiled over into an aggressive anger, which was a much more acceptable manly response, and still is to this day. However, my security system kinda stopped working when I was perhaps 14 or 15 and had dedicated a large portion to my life to smoking weed, which inadvertently crumbled these walls of defense one by one, rendering any sort of regular emotional balance impossible (or at least not as important as getting high). And that’s when this song came in, as my one friend and I got perhaps a little bit too stoned, put on this record, and shared a little snivel in each other’s arms. These sobs were less provoked by the song’s emotion, mind you, but rather by the overall beauty of the moment. “It’s like, a jellyfish, man,” I distinctly recall my mate telling me. Oh wow, soooo truuuuue.

3. John Legend - Ordinary People

And this is where things get dark, I’m sorry. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later, as by the time I was 21 years old, I could no longer sustain the harmony between reckless self destruction and the art of staying alive. I think anyone playing this type of dangerous game would inevitably find themselves crashing into one direction or the other, being forced to make the drastic decision whether they wanted to live or die. In my case, 2005 was coming to an end, and my life had melted into a string of shit. I wasn’t particularly interested in being myself and had resigned to letting myself slowly waste away until I hopefully disappeared completely. Which is why, thinking back, I’m surprised I made the last minute dive towards rescue like I did, and ended up checking myself into a clinic. Proud of my chosen path, I called up the love of my life and enthusiastically told her the news that I was finally going to get better. “That’s great,” she responded. “But I can’t do this anymore. It’s over.” In hindsight, it makes sense why she would break up with the miserable fuck I was, but at the time, it felt like I had been kicked at my lowest point. To combat this inner dilemma, I embarked on a four day binge without a blink of sleep, finally crashing out and then waking up some time later in a state from Satan, an hour before my dad was set to pick me up and take me to the loony bin. To kill the excruciating waiting time, I turned on the TV, and this Legend song was the first thing that came on. Damn, I remember it so well, it perfectly summed up all the things I felt for my ex in that moment, and when coupled with the nasty after-effects of the yesterdays indulgence (as well as the apprehension towards a two month lockdown with crazy people), I dramatically broke into pieces on the floor, sobbing my life out into the carpet, leaving this as probably the most bleak entry on the list. In fact, when I think about the song I’ve cried to, this is always the first that comes to mind.

4. The Beatles - For No One

Following on flawlessly from that last entry: a month after I had been committed to the mental ward, I started feeling pretty damn perky. I had been stuffed fill of professional home cooking, I had attended countless therapy sessions, I had met plenty of fuckups who were much worse than me, and I had completed the first stint with a badge of honour. The medication was working! My brain-chemicals were balanced for perhaps the first time in my life! And because of my good behaviour, I was granted a much more lenient second month, of which allowed such luxuries as music and visitors! Wow! Which was fucking perfect for me, because it was around here that I had become a terminal Beatlemaniac, and needed my regular fix of The Fab Four to keep my happy pouches wet. However, this song specifically had a bit of an opposite effect on me, as once again its words seemed to describe the latter days of my ex-girlfriend so accurately, and I cried to it more than once. But, being the vengeful asshole I am, I did utilise the track to my own gain, forcing the aforementioned girl to listen to the song herself when she visited me, whilst brutally explaining the turmoil she had put me through. She cried too that day. Bless her, really.

5. Tracy Chapman - Fast Car

In all fairness, there isn’t much of a story here. I was 23 years young, sitting at my desk during my very first job, and this song invited itself into my headphones. The weird thing is that I’d heard it many times before as one of my mother’s favourites, but I think on this occasion I was super hungover or something, and I totally choked up at the potent lyrics of hope and the charmingly simply guitar work. Thankfully, no one noticed my unprofessionalism, which was lucky, but I still happily consider this track to be one very cry-worthy composition which nobody should be ashamed of letting go to.

6. The Chariot - Cheek.

And then I guess I grew up and ran out of tears, because it wasn’t until 2012 that I can recall crying over a song again. In fact, to label this ‘a song’ is to almost do it a disservice, as it is essentially a soundbyte from the final Charlie Chaplin speech in The Great Dictator film, which has actually grown bigger wings and become even more popular on social media in recent times. However, my first introduction to the delivery was many years earlier, extended from the metalcore hands of The Chariot, who added to these powerful words with an aggressive strength only the metal genre could accentuate. And it picked at my tear ducts, not out of grief or distress, but out of encouragement as a member of the human race. It gave me incentive to take action. It inspired me to stand up to the harsh realities of our system. But then I put Rihanna back on and forgot what I was doing.

7. Dustin Kensrue - Pistol

The 27th of March 2012 was not only the day I met Mike Skinner from The Streets, but was also the day when my current brother-in-law proposed to my little sister. He did the deed by performing the above song to her, complete with a live band and in front of a large audience, which obviously takes guts and I respect the dude for it (even if anything to do with love is totally gross and makes me want to vomit). Perhaps these were the reasons as to why this particular rendition didn’t provoke my sadjuices, but it was the first time I’d even heard of the tune, and found myself compulsively revisiting the track over the course of the next few weeks. And each of these listens brought me back to the moment my sister was promised to another family, and that is what eventually produced a tiny cry at how beautiful life can be. And they lived happily ever after.

8. Eddie Vedder - Sleeping By Myself

Fucking girls, man! It was a few mere years ago, near the end of 2013, where I had my second (and last, please God) truly atrociously painful breakup, a result of a girl who I thought I loved, sleeping with a dude I thought was a friend. The dissolution hit me a touch harder than the one before in some respects, perhaps because I was an adult now, and such an irrational agony tends to be more scary when you are expected to have some control over your emotions. It got real bad too, I cried plenty without the need for any music, and there were even a few occasions where I’d completely forget to breathe, I’m not even joking. It was so so fucking horrible, I cannot express this enough, I was extremely depressed. Anyway, at some point during my self loathing, this song invaded my usual trusty playlist, and even though I had heard it a few times before, the lyrics suddenly related quite specifically to my situation at the time. I should have know there was someone else! I will forever be sad and lonely! I will be sleeping by myself tonight! Oh, Eddie, I hear you, buddy! ::cry emoji::

9. La Dispute - I See Everything

An unlikely candidate to sob like a child to would be La Dispute. Because, you know, theyre all post-hardcore and shit. But the lyrics on I See Everything are still some of the most genuinely gut-wrenching words that I have ever come across, turning my eyes damp on multiple occasions and never ever failing to infect me with goosebumps. I don’t know, call me a softy, but songs about kids dying from cancer kinda bother me a bit. A really hard to comprehend factor of life. A scarcely addressed topic in the music world.

10. The Beatles - In My Life

This is a wonderful choice for our send off, because as I previously mentioned, I’ve been a Beatles fanatic for many years now, and the doctors say they can’t do anything to help me. However, there are some of the group’s more highly regarded songs which I never really connected to as much as the general population, and In My Life was definitely one of those offenders for a long time. I can’t accurately explain it now, but I think said song just seemed like some run-of-the-mill Lennon throwaway, forcing an aura of nostalgia without ever quite getting there. Well, that was until 2014, when my little sister married that Pistol boy in one of the most beautiful ceremonies I’ve ever had the pleasure of attending. Afterwards at the reception, the bride and bride’s daddy (my daddy too!) took their customary dance, which as you had already assumed, was held to this song. And then suddenly ... within that context ... it made so much sense. I’m not sure if Lennon even considered his composition to be interpreted from the standpoint of a dad and daughter connection as he hands her over to another man, but the idea simply destroyed me. I burst out, and looked over to my mother for reassurance. Her cheeks too were streaming in liquid, and so we hugged and that felt a bit better.

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The 10 Best Album Cover Artworks of 2015

5:56 PM in 10, 2015, album, artworks, best, cover, Get Ex, kã¼bler, kubrick, letter, model, of, ross, stanley, the, to, worst

(according to me)

10. Oceans Ate Alaska - Lost Isles

Couldnt find any interesting information about this piece, sorry guys. Its a jellyfish, tho, so thats pretty cool. It does look a bit phallic from a distance now that you mention it, thanks pervert.

09. Matt Nathanson - Show Me Your Fangs

Angela Deane has this creepy thing she likes to do, where she paints over existing photos, almost erasing human beings with White-Out, turning them into ghosts. Seriously, she does this all time, look, it’s the type of project Id imagine serial killers to partake in. That said, it is fucking rad, and Matt Nathanson thought so too, as he accidentally stumbled upon Angela’s work on tumblr and hired her immediately to make his record cover. I wish I was a serial killer, Id probably make more money.

08. Butcher Babies - Take It Like a Man

This band is generic nü-metalcore at best, but I do appreciate the seemingly paradoxical approach that follows them around. In a decidedly testosterone filled genre, this band is fronted by two ladies. And yet despite all the blood and murder and horror and ugliness they scream about, they are incredibly sexy in an almost typical alternative cheerleader type of way. But then in the midst of all this prominent female confrontation, they called their album Take it Like a Man. Except they put a little girl in an innocent pink dress on the cover. Except the girl is wearing a viking helmet. And they are called Butcher Babies. Deep.

07. Ghost Bath - Moonlover

There are multiple reasons as to why above artwork should not be on this list. First of all, it’s a complete cheat, as this image is nothing more than a stolen 1957 art piece from postmodern Guatemalan photographer Luis González Palma, titled La Luna. Second of all, the band is often accused of ripping everything they know from Deafheaven, including their sound and even this image, which does look suspiciously similar to one of the Sunbather tour posters. And finally, it’s kind of a cliché idea at the end of the day: a moody black and white topless women style, ooooh, scary and profound. However, boobs and moons and stuff, so here we are.

06. Strange Wilds - Subjective Concepts

For a lead singer of one complete Nirvana rip-off band, Steven Serna sure likes to talk a lot. Thankfully for me, this means I dont have to say anything. Take it away, Steven: “I went to walk along a concrete curb (...) and while I was balancing I suddenly had this thought of what if this was the edge of a tall building. And then right after that thought I was like ‘Dang, that could be a cool record cover’. (...) The picture was taken by photographer David Belisle (...) [he’s] done a lot of photos of R.E.M. and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, so it was a real treat that he wanted to work with us (...) some people have expressed they feel uneasy looking at [the cover art], and that is kind of what we were going for. That sense of standing on the edge, or even more so running along the edge and losing balance (...) everything we’ve been getting into by signing to Sub Pop is brand new territory to us and it can feel like walking on the edge sometimes. As cheesy as that sounds.”
Yup, sounds pretty cheesy, but it looks great.

05. Sulphur Aeon - Gateway to the Antisphere

After Ola Larsson provided such incredibly impressive artwork for Sulphur Aeon’s debut album, it only made sense for the band to continue paying moneys to keep his imaginative creations on their side. And, damn, isnt this some exceptional art right here. What’s even cooler, is that Ola was kind enough to share the whole process with his fans on Facebook, starting from a rough sketch supplied by the band, right until his masterpiece was complete. It’s no wonder, then, that the group stated “there’s a whole bunch of talented artists, but we think Ola is the one artist for us”. Bless!

04. Blanck Mass - Dumb Flesh

When you want an image which is as perfect as your title, who do you turn to? You turn to Alex de Mora. When you want an artist who has done portraits for some of the biggest names in hipster music (such as Purity Ring, Eagles of Death Metal, MF DOOM, Arctic Monkeys) and cultural history (Hulk Hogan, The actual Queen), who do you turn to? You turn to Alex de Mora. When you want an image made out of body parts but in a creepy, uncertain, illogical way, who do you turn to? Well, to be fair, you should probably turn to Chris Cunningham. But Alex de Mora did a good job as well. Costs less too, Id imagine.

03. Marika Hackman - We Slept at Last

“The artwork’s always important to me, with any record. With this, I saw that image by Glen Erler—the girl on the bed, the cover art—and he’s been one of my favourite photographers for the last five years. I was like, ‘I’ve got to have that picture’. I hate naming things but as soon as I saw that, I knew to call the album We Slept At Last. It was the first thing that jumped out at me, it hit me right in the core.”
Same.

02. Pyramids - A Northern Meadow

This group has a decent reputation for album covers (see their debut, it’s even better) and so there may have been a little bit of pressure on photographer Scout Pare Phillips to deliver an a-grade product. Although, probably not really, because he once shot a music video for Jack White, and who are Pyramids anyway? Whatever, I reeeeally want to stick my hair against the wall right now.

01. Dilly Dally - Desire [Single]

In order to fully understand this Donovan Brien image, one must first admire the cover for Dilly Dally’s debut album, Sore. According to lead vocalist Katie Monks, she had a “vision. The oversized hunk of jewelry on a girls tongue. Pink glossy lips. Almost like a make-up commercial gone wrong. Very empowering, and sexy to me. I knew it had to be the cover of our album.” From this, I deduce the above Desire art to be the sequel of that idea, as this injured tongue has met the ice cream and left its bloody mark. Furthermore, the image for their second single Purple Rage is a continuation of this story, as the eager mouth could not help itself, and an even worse mess has infected the cone. This is all presumption, of course, I could be wrong. Either way, a bloody ice cream is pretty (and) hardcore.


Five Other Brilliants
Faith Healer - Cosmic Troubles
Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly
Purity Ring - Another Eternity
Petite Noir - La Vie Est Belle / Life Is Beautiful
Stealing Sheep - Not Real


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The 15 Greatest Smiths Lyrics Ever

7:05 PM in 15, and, best, day, ever, fall, feminism, Get Ex, greatest, kevin, lyrics, modern, of, rise, smith, smiths, the, to, worst

according to me

I used to have this girlfriend and we got along pretty well, until one day she proclaimed that she thought The Smiths were shit. Such a blasphemous utterance occurred in public, and so I politely asked her not to embarrass me, quick to detail as to why one cannot say such a thing out loud. The reason, of course, is because The Smiths are one of those bands, like say, Pink Floyd or The Sex Pistols or Black Sabbath or Bruce Springsteen—examples I specifically mention because I do not adore them quite like your average music student, but find it necessary to value them on an influential basis; one of appreciation, not so much for what they did, but for what they inspired others to do. We simply cannot disregard these huge figures as “shit” so matter-of-factly, as it is offensive to the entire sensitive web of music history and shows a lack of education. Perhaps we can label them “overrated” (theyre arent) or “not our cup of soup” (bad taste), but we must at very least acknowledge their existence as ones which changed the paths of multiple other artists to come, some of which we may even enjoy more than their forefathers. My girlfriend, however, was having none of it.

“I don’t like his voice,” she stated. “It’s too boring.” Alright, I could sympathise. It’s not like when I started my own Morrissey journey I jumped straight into adoration; it took patience to penetrate his somewhat monotony in order to reveal the true genius beneath. It was like Dylan all over again, never so much how he said it, but what he was saying—the lyrics, rather than the voice—which to this day I consider up there with the greatest of the greats. A true bitter poet who appears so uncomfortable with his person that one could not help feeling disgust for their own human whilst analysing his words. “That’s exactly the problem,” my girlfriend muttered. This spurred a three day argument following and we are no longer together.

15
	"I was looking for a job and then I found a job. And Heaven knows Im miserable now."
- Heaven Knows Im Miserable Now [0:24] non-album single, later included on Hatful of Hollow (1984)

14
	“Heifer whines could be human cries. Closer comes the screaming knife. This beautiful creature must die. This beautiful creature must die. A death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder.”
- Meat is Murder [1:49] Meat is Murder (1985)

13
	“Burn down the disco. Hang the blessed DJ, because the music that they constantly play, it says nothing to me about my life.”
- Panic [1:02] non-album single, later included on Louder Than Bombs (1985)

12
	“You say: ‘ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn,’ and you claim these words as your own. But Ive read well, and Ive heard them said a hundred times, maybe less, maybe more. If you must write prose and poems, the words you use should be your own. Dont plagiarise or take on loan. ‘Cos theres always someone, somewhere with a big nose, who knows, and trips you up and laughs when you fall.”
- Cemetry Gates [0:53] The Queen is Dead (1986)

11
	“Oh, I didnt realise that you wrote poetry. I didnt realise you wrote such bloody awful poetry, Mr Shankly.”
- Frankly, Mr. Shankly [1:43] The Queen is Dead (1986)

10
	“And when Im lying in my bed, I think about life, and I think about death, and neither one particularly appeals to me.”
- Nowhere Fast [1:51] Meat is Murder (1985)

9
	“I would go out tonight but I havent got a stitch to wear. This man said ‘its gruesome that someone so handsome should care."
- This Charming Man [0:45] non-album single, later included on The Smiths reissues (1983)

8
	“Oh, let me get my hands on your mammary glands. And let me get your head on the conjugal bed, I say, I say, I say. Theres more to life than books, you know, but not much more.”
- Handsome Devil [1:58] live John Peel session, later included on Hatful of Hollow (1983)

7
	“Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, its really serious. There were times when I could have murdered her, but you know, I would hate anything to happen to her. No, I dont want to see her. Do you really think shell pull through?”
- Girlfriend In A Coma [0:17] Strangeways, Here We Come (1987)

6
	“I thought that if you had an acoustic guitar, then it meant that you were a protest singer. Oh, I can smile about it now but at the time it was terrible.”
- Shakespeare’s Sister [1:34] non-album single, later included on Louder Than Bombs (1985)

5
	“The devil will find work for idle hands to do. I stole and I lied, and why? Because you asked me to. But now you make me feel so ashamed because Ive only got two hands. Well, Im still fond of you.”
- What Difference Does It Make? [1:01] The Smiths (1984)

4
	“Sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking when I said Id like to smash every tooth in your head. Oh, sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed. And now I know how Joan of Arc felt. Now I know how Joan of Arc felt as the flames rose to her roman nose and her walkman started to melt.”
- Bigmouth Strikes Again [0:06] The Queen is Dead (1986)

3
	“And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten-ton truck kills the both of us, to die by your side, well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.”
- There Is A Light That Never Goes Out [1:02] The Queen is Dead (1986)

2
	“Theres a club if youd like to go. You could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go, and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home, and you cry and you want to die.”
- How Soon Is Now? [2:44] b-side for "William, It Was Really Nothing", later included on Meat is Murder reissues (1985)

1
	“Oh, has the world changed, or have I changed? Some nine year old tough who peddles drugs, I swear to God, I swear, I never even knew what drugs were. So I broke into the palace with a sponge and a rusty spanner. She said ‘eh, I know you, and you cannot sing,’ I said ‘thats nothing, you should hear me play piano.’"
- The Queen is Dead [1:36] The Queen is Dead (1986)

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